a good friend of mine died today. she was a primary nurse to both of my girls. she loved them and took such great care of them. she was really there for me - not many people are...
i feel such a loss and yet i feel kind of dumb too because i know that her family - she leaves a husband and two small children here - will suffer so much more. but tonight i am just so depressed by the thought that i have lost one of the very few people in this world that took care of and loved both of my daughters. that actually stayed in touch with me (not an easy thing...) through everything I've been through and was so supportive and understanding.
it's not a loss like the loss of my girls, but it is still such a loss to me and it is just weighing on me so much right now. my heart is so broken already that each new loss of whatever type feels like it rips it wide open again - raw and bleeding where yesterday it was only slowly leaking...
i have been going through our emails (we emailed a lot since we lived 45 min apart) and just reliving it all - which means going through the email that said simply "bree's dying" and remembering her struggles that often mirrored mine in a different way. she battled cancer (and infertility) for many, many years and finally lost that battle.
i don't have a lot of friends left. i imagine it's hard to be friends with me with all of the depression i have and sadness. and i have even fewer friends that actually knew and loved my girls personally. i could count them on a hand i think.
i think i will print all of our emails out and put them into a book to give to her family - maybe someday her little 20 month old baby girl will want to read what her mom had written and how much she longed to have her and what a good friend she was to me...
she was my scrapbooking idol, my email pen pal, an amazing nurse, and a dedicated friend. i already miss her.
